So it's a new year (Jewishly speaking) and I have atoned for my sins of the past year ... whilst at the very same time dreaming up new and improved sins for the coming year.

Yeah, it's gonna be that kind of year.

Also, my neck is sore, and kind of stiff. At first I just figured I slept on it wrong, with too many or too few pillows, or that I pulled a muscle watching TV or something. (Hey, the new fall season can be strenuous.) My throat is a little bit sore today, too, so this morning I decided that it was a swollen lymph gland. I have taken an obscene amount of Tylenol for the past two days and it hasn't helped. I am now convinced that I have a tumor near the base of my skull and I am obviously dying. Maybe plotting my next sins in synagogue didn't go over that well with the boss and I didn't get inscribed in the Book of Life for another year after all.

Which got me thinking: In the event of my impending incapacitation, I would like my sister, the formerly Jaded Ju, to raise my Facebook pet, Geraldo. I would like Brian to have all of my pots and pans, even the crappy ones that he would prefer never to touch, and I'd like Karan to have my DVD collection, including the pr0n. And the, um, toys.

I haven't decided who'll take Olivia yet. If you would like to be considered, please leave a comment below -- including what you can offer to the calico love of my life. While you think about that, I'll be here with hot compresses on my neck, moaning pathetically.

Besides my tumor and the end of the world as we know it, what's new with you?